Today my OT and psychologist helped me work through the fear, pain, and trauma that makes it hard to sit for more than 10 minutes. With their support and my courage, I ended up sitting for a whole hour. I cried with gratitude, and at the time it felt OK; my pain was intense but went away soon after. But tonight I’m having a lot of fear. Maybe in the aftermath of going into that scary place there is an echo. So I’m being gentle to myself tonight, taking it one hour at a time. I was often having intense fear even before this program, so it makes sense that fear is arising. I am OK. My body is safe, not damaged. I haven’t got a lot to lose by doing this program. Even if it fails, I won’t be much worse off than I was. I am trying something new, and it’s scary.
Published by jacobjslominski
I am a 35-year-old former dancer living with persistent love and joy (also pain). I identify as newly disabled and am learning not to fear that label. I live in Brooklyn in a two-bedroom apartment with my wife (and, coming in August, our daughter). I am trained in the Alexander technique and practice meditation with the Brooklyn Zen Center. I am doing my best to recover from chronic pain, and in the meantime, trying to live a full and happy life. I would love to give and get support in the struggle with pain and fear, so please reach out! View all posts by jacobjslominski